The world’s most beloved heiress is back in the news again.  This time it’s for the harder stuff.  At least harder than what she was, excuse me “her friend” was caught with during the World Cup this past summer in South Africa.  Miss Hilton might be the most unfazed of them all – jet-setting through life with her lucky number thirteen pieces of  Louis Vuitton luggage in tow as pianos fall from the sky directly behind her.  It wasn’t too long ago that I was almost decimated by one of those pianos in the form of a feature length film starring Miss Hilton called “The Hottie and the Nottie.”

I received a call in the Summer of 2007 after the release of “You Can’t Win” from a friend’s brother who somehow, after making an award winning documentary film about World War II, was chosen to direct Miss Hilton’s potential breakout film “The Hottie and the Nottie.”  He sent me the script and said his angle with the lead actress, maybe his best and only chance, was to encourage her to search her soul and channel the Audrey Hepburn deep inside.  This meant that if the “The Hottie and  the Nottie” was Hilton’s “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” they needed a “Moon River” for the film.  I was asked to write it so I penned a Chet Baker-inspired balled called “How Could I Have Guessed?”.  We recorded a demo and sent it to the director.  The feedback was positive and it was slated to be re-recorded with a full band and used at the turning point of the film – when the two main characters realize mid-dance that they had been denying their feelings of love for each other all along. There was even talk of flying me down to Los Angeles to appear in the film, performing the song live.

My dreams of staying at Chateau Marmont, however, were immediately shattered.   As shooting started in L.A. the picture completely imploded.  I never really inquired as to what happened, I just understood that the train had quickly gone completely off the tracks.  The song was scrapped and the film was unceremoniously finished and edited.  At the box office it was one of the worst openings of all time and was deservedly brutalized by critics.  While every musician’s life has it’s share of “what-if” moments, this is surely the most bizarre of my short songwriting career.

“The Hottie and the Nottie” Trailer (Not for the faint of heart)